I have been silent of late. Not the sulking, depressed, anti-social, need to be hidden kind of silent, but the seed kind of silent. Surrender silent. The way the seed falls into the cool, dark blackness of earth and gives up one identity for the promise of another. Expectant kind of silent. The promise of the hard outer shell of familiarity cracking under the pressure of the moisture and the weight of the soil. Longing silent. The way the lover sun pulls on the tenderness of the sprout coaxing and wooing it to the surface with promises of union and purpose and destiny.
This has been my silence as I walked my earth wet with tears and felt the weight of the reality of my dust. I have learned a lot about my seed self. I have experienced paradigms shifting in every facet of my being. Who I thought I was as Child, Mother, Wife, Friend, Worshipper…all being touched by the Master Gardener’s hand each time with one question: “Do you yield?”
Will I yield to the work of the silence and surrender? Or die, a hardened intact seed with all of my potential locked inside me?
I bow and stretch and embrace pain as escort. For the first time I am learning what it really means to be alive. The why behind each breath and heartbeat. I want to live. Live intentionally and purposefully. I am done with existing. There is so much more to it than that.